To the girl who feels the weight of whispers following her every step, this is for you.
Growing up as a young Armenian woman in our tight-knit community is both a blessing and a burden. We are raised with a deep sense of tradition, respect for our elders and pride in our heritage. The stories of our ancestors, who survived and thrived despite unimaginable hardships, are woven into the fabric of our lives. But alongside these strengths, we also inherit the heavy weight of expectations and the ever-present gaze of a community that never seems to stop watching. We’re no strangers to the pressure of living under a microscope. Our lives often feel like open books that others feel entitled to read, dissect and criticize. Gossip is as much a part of our culture as the traditions we cherish, but it can be an unbearable burden. “Who is she talking to?” “She’s showing too much skin.” “Have you heard what she did with that guy?” “I’ve heard she’s been around…”
Gossip in our community is an unwelcome guest at every gathering. It lingers in the background, making its rounds through the crowd, sometimes in the guise of concern, other times as outright judgment. For young Armenian women, this gossip can be suffocating. It feels like every choice we make is under scrutiny, not just by family, but by people who barely know us yet feel entitled to judge our lives. Our culture values reputation — how we present ourselves to the world is seen as a reflection of our families. A single rumor can stain not just your reputation, but that of your loved ones. We are taught to tread carefully, to avoid giving anyone anything to talk about, yet the gossip still finds its way.
The rumors start innocently — someone sees you talking to a guy or talks about the way you dress. But in our community, these small sparks can ignite full-blown wildfires, scorching your reputation before you have a chance to defend yourself. Suddenly, you’re not just you; you’re a story passed around, judged by people who don’t know your heart or the challenges you’ve faced. Much like in the childhood game of “telephone,” the details get twisted and exaggerated with each retelling. What begins as a harmless story, or sometimes a serious story, morphs into something far more damaging, with layers of falsehoods piled on until the original truth is unrecognizable. By the time it circles back to you, it’s become a monstrous tale, distorting your character and leaving you to deal with the fallout.
In our community, in which respect for tradition is so deeply ingrained, being the bigger person and ignoring hurtful words can feel impossible. How do you rise above when it feels like your every step is being judged, not just by your peers, but by the community elders who hold onto their own set of values, sometimes at odds with the world you are growing up in? This makes it hard to be vulnerable and show your true self, because that self is often obscured by the noise of other people’s opinions. You try to be the bigger person, to rise above the gossip, but it’s exhausting. It’s a constant battle to remind yourself that you are more than the stories they tell. You focus on bettering yourself, growing and learning, but sometimes it feels like no matter how much you accomplish, the latest rumor overshadows it.
This plays a big role in finding a life partner. Finding someone who will love you for who you are rather than the stories they have heard is a challenge that seems insurmountable. In a generation in which looks are often prioritized over intelligence, where superficiality can overshadow substance, it’s even more difficult for an Armenian woman to find her way. The values we’ve been taught — to be modest, to be respectful, to carry ourselves with dignity — clash with the realities of modern relationships. The hookup culture that’s become so normalized doesn’t easily align with the principles many of us were raised with. For men, it’s often seen as harmless fun, but for women, it can spell the end of a love life before it begins. Respect for women, a cornerstone of Armenian culture, seems to be eroding. If we refuse, we’re labeled as prudes, out of touch with modern relationships or playing hard to get. If we engage, we’re marked as “scarlet women,” tainted in the eyes of those who claim to value purity but don’t understand the double standards they perpetuate. Our reputations are tarnished as though we’ve betrayed the essence of what it means to be an Armenian woman.
I know how this feels. I’ve been there too, right in the heart of our Armenian community, where everyone knows everyone, and it sometimes feels like there’s no escape from the watchful eyes and wagging tongues. Gossip doesn’t just hurt in the moment; it lingers for years like a dark cloud hanging over your head. I’ve experienced the sting of hearing my own life twisted into a story that barely resembled the truth, passed around like another piece of hot gossip at each Armenian gathering. No matter how many times I’ve tried to tell the truth or prove myself, it’s as if no one wants to listen. The story becomes a part of your identity in the eyes of others, overshadowing your accomplishments, your kindness and who you really are. It’s especially painful when those stories reach the ears of elders who expect the best from you, leaving you feeling like you’ve let them down, even when you know in your heart you haven’t.
But I’ve also learned that while gossip can be loud and hurtful, it doesn’t define who we are. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking to feel like your voice is drowned out by rumors, and no matter what you do, that cloud never seems to fully lift. But we have to keep going, trusting that our true selves will shine through, no matter how much the gossip tries to obscure it.
But you, the girl who continues to fight against these double standards, are the embodiment of the strength that runs through our veins. You keep going, despite the whispers and the judgments. You keep searching for someone who will see you, not just as an Armenian girl with a past that others have determined, but as a woman with a future she’s determined to shape on her own terms. You keep your head up, you keep moving forward and you keep searching for someone who will value you. You keep working on yourself, nurturing your mind and soul, because you know that you are worth more than the stories they tell.
This is for you — the girl who is navigating the complexities of Armenian culture while trying to stay true to herself. Keep believing in your worth, in the intelligence and resilience that have been passed down to you through generations. Know that the legacy of our people is not just one of survival, but of thriving despite the odds. Someday, someone will see you for who you are, beyond the gossip and the expectations. Until that day, know that you are not alone in this struggle. We are all in this together, trying to rise above the noise and find our place in a world that is constantly trying to define us.
From Anonymous
Guest Contributor
Latest posts by Guest Contributor (see all)
- Second Annual Kerr Family Lecture to be held at UCLA - September 13, 2024
- USC Institute of Armenian Studies to host multidisciplinary symposium on Artsakh - September 13, 2024
- Letter to the Editor | Mapping the sequence of the warfare against Armenians in the Middle East - September 10, 2024
Be the first to comment