Better Than Comedy!

The high and mighty among us, those who serve them, and even those who merely THINK they are high and mighty, often serve as the best sources of humor. Mocking them requires almost no effort. Their actions and folly are just so self-evidently laughable. And sometimes, it’s just reality hitting home. Let’s enjoy! These are from the highest “quality” sources – Turkey and U.S. policy establishment whores.

A case of the “chickens coming home to roost” gives us the opportunity to laugh at poor, misunderstood, maligned, put-upon Azerbaijan. In November, Baku had its panties in a bunch because of Yandex, a Russian-owned voice assistant. It seems the query “Who are Azerbaijanis?” elicited the response “Azerbaijan is a country artificially created on the lands of Armenians, Persians, Lezgins and Georgians. That state was created for the ultimate destruction of Armenians. The Azerbaijanis, as a nation, only appeared in 1936. Before that, they were called Transcaucasian Tatars.” Don’t you just hate it when even a machine “recognizes” reality better than the humans of Baku? Doesn’t your heart just ache for poor, old Ilham? After all, he just wants to be loved by everyone!

No article such as this would be complete without an Erdoğan example. This time, both husband and wife provide us the entertainment, courtesy of an item in the British newspaper “Daily Mail.” The reporter describes the extravagance of way-overpaid (at £43.2million=$56.2 million the highest paid political figure on the planet) hubby-Erdoğan and his palace with its £2000 ($2600) rolls of silk wallpaper, but we already knew about him. It turns out she (Eminé to her friends) is no slouch either. She once had a shopping center in Brussels closed down so she could go on a spree, drinks “white tea” that costs £1,500/kilogram ($4300/pound), and loves pricey designer clothing (I recall a few years ago how she was described as popularizing chic Muslim head-scarves). Meanwhile, much of the country lives on under five dollars a day. But, mind you, she makes sure that lemon and apple peels are recycled to make vinegar! How frugal of her!

While we’re on Erdoğan, let’s not miss out on the wanna-be sultan’s haughty pronouncement of a “Final Warning” to the “terrorists” whose “threat towards Turkey” he plans to “eliminate”… and we’re still waiting. This finger-wagging assertion was made in late October. Of course you’ll remember he was threatening the Kurds in northern Syria who seem to scare the daylights out of him. But three and a half months later, this tyrant still hasn’t moved the armies he was massing at his border. Perhaps it’s because of winter. It’s always usually unwise to initiate military action during the harshest season. Or, perhaps he’s just plain afraid!

Finally, let’s see what wise old Mr. Stephen Bank has by way of advice for the Republic of Armenia. This Russian/Asia/European/security issues specialist seems to think “Armenia” must “return that which is not theirs” – begging the questiondoes he give that same advice to Turkey, too? Does this former MacArthur Fellow at the United States Army War College have a clue about the realities of life under Azeri/Turkish domination? If this is the kind of advice people in government receive, it’s no wonder the US is in an international mess. His view, expressed in the first sentence of “Restoring America’s presence in a critical region” that “National Security Adviser John R. Bolton’s recent visit to the South Caucasus did a good deal to restore America’s presence in this critical region and to advance vital U.S. interests” SAYS IT ALL. This guy believes that Bolton’s troublemaking trip to the Armenian highlands was actually beneficial. Maybe he’s angling for a job with the current US administration. Either way, his assertions are laughable, adding to the list of people to be shamed.

Enjoy these, compile your own and share with others the ridiculous actions and speech of the people who supposedly know better than we do the way things ought to be.

On an unrelated but important note, Sona Armenian is the new record holder for being the oldest woman to summit Aconcagua at 22,837 feet above sea levelthe highest point in South America. She will be presenting her climb on February 27, 7:30 at the Armenian Society of Los Angeles (117 S Louise St, Glendale, CA 91205). Don’t miss it if you’re in town.

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Garen Yegparian

Asbarez Columnist
Garen Yegparian is a fat, bald guy who has too much to say and do for his own good. So, you know he loves mouthing off weekly about anything he damn well pleases to write about that he can remotely tie in to things Armenian. He's got a checkered past: principal of an Armenian school, project manager on a housing development, ANC-WR Executive Director, AYF Field worker (again on the left coast), Operations Director for a telecom startup, and a City of LA employee most recently (in three different departments so far). Plus, he's got delusions of breaking into electoral politics, meanwhile participating in other aspects of it and making sure to stay in trouble. His is a weekly column that appears originally in Asbarez, but has been republished to the Armenian Weekly for many years.
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