Please stop asking why I don’t speak Armenian
Language is not the only way to engage with our culture
Picture this
You’re an American-born Armenian woman, on vacation in another country with your husband. You open Google Maps and search “Armenian” to see if there are any churches, restaurants or stores in the area. Most times, there aren’t — but you check anyway.
To your surprise, you find an Armenian restaurant! It’s an hour away and requires two buses to reach. It’s a trek, but worth it to support one of your own.
At the restaurant, you open the menu, excited to see the familiar sights of dolma, lahmajun, even ghapama. Eventually, the owner comes over and you tell him you’re Armenian from the U.S. Wow! Big smiles! He speaks to you in Armenian, your husband responds in Armenian and they go back and forth. Then, he asks if you speak Armenian. You respond *in Armenian* with, “I only speak a little.” You’re proud of the basic sentence you just strung together, still reveling in the joy of finding community in a foreign land.
Instead of moving on to the next topic, he asks your husband why you don’t speak Armenian – because how could an Armenian person not speak the language?! He continues to lecture you both on the importance of speaking Armenian and how you should really try to learn. While your husband tirelessly defends you, it’s too late. The damage is done. You feel small and regret putting in so much effort to seek out this awful experience. Without knowing anything else about your Armenian-ness, you’re clearly “not Armenian enough” if you don’t speak the language.
The above situation isn’t an anomaly. This kind of thing happens almost every time I interact with an older Armenian — at a musical performance, church event, family gathering, wherever. And unfortunately, I know I’m not alone. My mom is in her 60s and, to this day, is asked why she doesn’t speak Armenian — it’s time to give it a rest!
So, here’s my defense, once and for all, for why I don’t speak Armenian (not that I owe it to anyone). Please share it with your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles — so that they stop asking me and anyone like me why we don’t speak Armenian.
My defense
Both of my parents are Armenian, but their upbringings differed wildly.
My dad was born in Iran and immigrated to the U.S. as a college student in the ‘70s. In Isfahan, he lived in a predominantly Armenian village, so his first language was Armenian (followed closely by Farsi). He spoke Armenian daily and only learned English after moving to the U.S. He, therefore, speaks and reads Armenian fluently.
My mom, however, was born in Chicago, as was her mom. Her dad was born in Russia and immigrated to the U.S. as an adult. Growing up in the ‘60s, it was important to assimilate into American culture and not be seen as a “foreigner,” so my mom was never taught Armenian. In fact, her parents spoke Armenian to each other when they didn’t want the kids to know what they were saying. Over the years, my mom has picked up a decent amount of Armenian and can understand better than she can speak, but is by no means fluent.
Growing up, we spoke English at home. My sister and I went to Saturday Armenian school on and off over the years. I hated it. All the other kids already spoke Armenian fluently, and the teachers were mostly moms who knew the language. Just because you can speak a language doesn’t mean you can teach it.
And let’s be honest: Armenian is not a very accessible language. First, its alphabet is distinct, like Greek, Thai or Russian, so you first need to learn these new letters and sounds before even learning the words. Second, if you attend a public high school, like I did, Armenian is rarely offered as a language requirement. So, I took three years of Spanish instead. I learned it during school hours (not during my precious weekend time), it counted towards my GPA (providing extra motivation) and I can still speak it pretty well to this day.
In short, my Armenian education was largely ineffective. I ended up with a very basic understanding — enough to say hello, order beer, ask for the bathroom and tell people I don’t speak Armenian. Given all of the above, this makes sense. And unfortunately, the older I get, the more difficult it is to learn a new language.
My plea
Here’s the thing: I’m not so self-absorbed that I don’t know why I keep getting asked this question.
I understand that we Armenians are a historically oppressed people, focused on survival.
In many places, speaking the Armenian language (even in secret) has been a form of rebellion and perhaps the only way to keep the culture alive.
If you recently immigrated to the U.S. or are first-generation born here, it makes sense that the Armenian language is incredibly important to you. I get that and am not trying to undermine that reality at all.
However, that is not the reality for every Armenian. All I ask is that the same courtesy of understanding and respect be extended to the rest of us. If your family has been in the U.S. for generations (like mine) or you’re multicultural or any number of reasons, speaking fluent Armenian is simply not a realistic expectation.
Today, there are many ways to engage with culture, to keep Armenian culture alive, especially in the U.S.: music, dance, art, literature, film, theater, food, travel, religion, family, names and, yes, language.
But language is only one part of culture and it’s unfair to consider it more important than any other part.
Throughout my life, I’ve been very involved in many parts of our culture, including establishing the Sunday School at St. Vartan Cathedral in New York City, visiting Armenia three times, volunteering countless times with Armenian organizations, having an Armenian maiden and married last name, promoting the work of Armenian artists, writing stories featuring Armenian characters and much more.
As someone who has always been proud of my Armenian culture and participated in the community, I refuse to be defined only by language.
So, the next time someone tells you that they don’t speak Armenian, say, “That’s okay!” and continue the conversation in whatever language you both speak.
On behalf of all of us who don’t speak Armenian, I pre-emptively say, “Shnorhagalutyun.”
All photos are courtesy of the author
Not speaking Armenian is a choice. You have made a choice not to dedicate time and effort for that cause. You are clearly an educated person and understand the significance the language has to the identity. Yet you persist in your choice to never learn. Accessibility is less of an issue in today’s interconnected, technology-driven world than ever before. I personally own a number of language-learning software that includes Armenian as an option. You have more tools available to you to learn Armenian than any other point in history — yet you choose differently. Please acknowledge your agency in your choices instead of trying to redefine Armenian identity or pushing back against those baffled by someone so proud to be Armenian yet choosing to reject the language.
I agree…I look at it this way…being Armenian is a journey towards learning the full essence of your Armenian being…you can have a quilt with a few patches here and there but it does not serve its purpose fully until you have all the patches in the right place.
People today learn foreign languages all the time…why can’t this be done by people who consider themselves the people who lay claim to that part of their culture without knowing it?
I hope your next step in the journey towards learning about your culture begins with learning Armenian.
It is never a shame not to know…it is a shame not to learn.
St. Vartan, a hero of Armenian Identity, emphasizes that an essential part of that identity is Christian faith, more than a patch of fabric, but like skin. Speaking to the soldiers, St. Vartan says,
“He who supposes that we put on Christianity like a garment, now realizes that as he cannot change the color of his skin, so he will perhaps never be able to accomplish his designs. For the foundations of our faith are set on the unshakeable rock, not on earth but above in heaven, yet by faith we are established in heaven where no one can reach the building of Christ not made by human hands.”
To St. Vartan, Christian faith is an essential part of that “full essence” of “Armenian being,” like skin.
Participating in the life of the Armenian Church and faith, attending Badarak regularly, establishing Sunday Schools, are also choices that most Armenians today choose not to do (estimated less than one percent of Armenians attend Badarak regularly). It sounds like Rosie does choose these things. Bravo to her!
Language is a very important part of cultural identity, and for Armenians in particular. The Armenian Church and Christian Faith, much more so. Every Armenian individual fails to live up to every aspect of the full essence of “Armenian being.” We don’t need to criticize the specks in the eyes of others when we all have logs in our own. We would all do well to spend more time on growing our own faith, our “skin”, our “unshakable rock,” than telling others they are not trying hard enough to learn the language, as important as it may be.
🌹
@Art
Rosie’s story hit home for me, as I also can’t read or write Armenian.
I can however have a conversation in Armenian (Eastern Dialect)
I married a non-Armenian, and my kids can’t read, write or speak Armenian.
We tried Armenian Saturday school with my eldest child, but it was a complete disaster, because the kindergarten teacher assumed that every 4 year old child in the class already knew how to understand basic-level Armenian instructions, words and sentences.
Whether the ARF/AYF our grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins like it or not, there are a large number of Armenians in the diaspora who are marrying non-Armenians.
We each have a choice to make, Rosie has chosen to give voice to her authentic story, and you have responded directly by demonstrating exactly the type of mindset that she is trying to address.
There are many shades of grey in the world we live in, there is rarely black or white.
Does Rosie deserve our respect, or should she be reminded constantly that she is somehow an inferior Armenian (supposedly)?
You chose words of shame and conflict rather than trying to find common ground, and potentially offering a solution such as “Hey Rosie, your story resonated with me … I’ve recently come across an app called which makes it super simple to pick up 1-5 new conversational words each week, in either Eastern or Western dialects, why don’t you try it for a month and let us know how you go with it…”
Congratulations for ‘taking the bait’ and showing exactly the type of Armenian mindset that keeps us exactly where we are.
I am English by birth and Armenian by marriage.
My Armenian wife made it clear to me that marrying her meant marrying Armenia, its history, language, literature, food, culture and, above all, Church.
Learning the language was a joy to me.
I love the subtlety, cadence and tone of the language. The way that one word can, depending on context, have several different meanings.
I love the natural musicality and rhythm of the language.
It’s as if every Armenian can become an instant poet!
All I can say to Rosie is to set aside several hours a week and learn the language that is her birthright.
It’s well worth it!
Robert,
Your wife is very smart, as in most Armenian marriages, you don’t just marry the girl, you also marry her family and culture. I love that she made it clear to you from the beginning that marrying her meant marrying Armenia, its history, language, literature, food, culture and, above all, Church. BRAVO Mrs. Whig !!!!!
This should be the requirement made of all Armenian women, embrace my culture and not just me.
@James Joseph
Thanks!
I am sure everybody will agree that Armenian women are the most beautiful in this World!
They are also the most formidable!
I don’t know why Armenians are concerned about marrying out.
From what I’ve seen it’s marrying in!
Foreign men who marry Armenian women embrace Armenian culture.
Armenian women are, very much, the gatekeepers of Armenian culture and the defenders of the faith.
Armenians by marriage are more patriotic and nationalistic than born Armenians!
👏🏻💯 it is not easy! No one claims it is, yet it is part of what it means to be Armenian. It is hard work to learn Armenian and remain Armenian. There is no Armenian literature without the Armenian language and the food, music and dance soon disappear without the will and the glue that is the choice to live an Armenian life. Language alone does not define us, but it’s essential for the Armenian existence of our future generations. Without the Armenian alphabet (404-406), our language would have been extinct as a branch of the Indo-European family of languages and we would have been extinct as a people. Kudos to you for embracing the Armenian life and I wish Armenians chose the harder path and prioritized learning the language that will open doors for them to appreciate the wealth and breadth of our culture with literature, liturgy, history, thought and linguistic thinking. In today’s world of false information and propaganda if we can’t access our own history and facts we won’t be able to survive. It is time to double down on language, identity, culture, history and not justify excuses to do the opposite.
We can argue whether or not language is a personal choice. I personally don’t think it is. You are born into it. More importantly, I think language is the soul of cultural identity which, among many things, it encompasses shared values, beliefs, customs & traditions, as well as social norms & behaviors. Language as a tool is the vehicle for sharing and preserving cultural knowledge, including stories, songs, and customs, across generations. It is the fundamental component of culture, acting as both a foundation and a product of it. Language also plays a major role, a central role in fact, oddly in assimilation as well as acting as a shield against assimilation. The knowledge and fluency in language opens doors to deeper connections, allowing for an authentic exchange of ideas and emotions.
Mastering the local language in a host country is often the first step toward feeling home in a new culture. But unless you are bilingual, i.e. you speak Armenian as well as the language of your host country, that could also mean feeling disconnected from your own people and their culture. Often times this can have a very negative effect on people who find themselves in these types of situations. Despite the fact that I personally believe the knowledge and fluency in one’s language is a must, I still think we should have an open mind and try to understand why some of us don’t speak it and come up with ways to remedy this situation. There must be so many different and fun ways to learn a language and we should encourage that instead of driving away those who don’t. Imagine how many people and experiences those who don’t speak the language are missing out!
P.S. I speak Eastern Armenian and understand the Western Armenian dialect. I have been to the Armenian “New Julfa” in Isfahan twice and visited their local villages. It was as if you were in a remote village in Armenia with people dressed in traditional Armenian costumes. They all, without exception, spoke their version of Eastern Armenian fluently and found the Armenian community there very patriotic. I wonder why the Armenian language knowledge of the author Rosie’s father, having been born and raised there, was not transferred to her. The origin of the Armenian community there dates back to early 17th century, 1603-1604, when they were uprooted from their homes in their native Julfa, aka “Old Julfa”, across the River Arax (border between Iran and Armenia) and settled in Isfahan during Safavid Persia.
The author wrote a brave and courageous appeal for the Armenian community who speak Armenian to stop with the unwanted harrassment. She has contributed to the Armenian community in countless ways, yet the harrassment and arrogant comments continue. This is what drives away many Diosporan Armenians from any involvement in the Armenian community or activism for the Armenian cause. No wonder the Turks and Azeris are winning.
Without an Armenian homeland the Armenian language will become an extinct (both Western and Eastern) within 3 generations because the Armenian Apostolic Church no longer has the gravitational pull it once had. So if you really want to preserve the Armenian language advocate for the survival of the Republic of Armenia. The least you can do if you live in the US is be a rapid responder to the ANCA.
I am alas one of the many “assimilated” Armenians, which make up the majority of the Armenian Diaspora.
My Armenian ancestors emigrated from Afyonkarahisar in Western Turkey in the 1890s to the United Kingdom and later to the United States in the 1900s. That they left Turkey in the 1890s, happens to be the decade when the Hamidian Massacres occurred across Turkey and Western Armenia, in which hundreds of thousands of Armenians were slaughtered. I am the fifth generation, with my family history shrouded in mystery, because there is so little information about my ancestors. There is of course hardly any Armenian heritage left in Afyonkarahisar, like in the rest of Turkey and Western Armenia, because the Turks have destroyed 99.9% of Armenian tangible heritage during the Armenian Genocide, down to graves.
Unfortunately, when a small ethnic group is a minority in a foreign country, is dispersed, has no educational facilities teaching their native language, culture and customs or are very few and far between, and has little or no links with the homeland, assimiliation is almost always inevitable.
That many parents and grandparents have not passed on their language, culture and customs to their children, grandchildren and beyond, is also part of the problem.
Marrying a non-Armenian, and not passing on the language, culture and customs to the children, is another factor. Many Armenians, perhaps more than half, marry a non-Armenian. One can hardly forbid people marrying for love.
Assimilation then was either due to pressure exerted by officialdom and also due to discrimination by the larger society. That is why, many immigrants assimilated, in order not to “stand out” for being “different” and “foreign”, and to be “accepted” by the larger society.
The latter reason is still the case, for example in the United States to a lesser extent. Assimilation today, is mostly due to internal reasons.
With the exception of the first generation, most of the second generation, the former Soviet Union, Lebanon, Iran and Syria, only a small minority of the Armenian Diaspora is speaking, reading, writing or even understanding Armenian today.
The advent of the internet, connectivity and online language courses, can remedy a bit the problem of assimilation and isolation. I am learning Armenian in order to reconnect with my lost heritage.
Armenians who don’t know Armenian, but want to learn, speak, read and write it, and want to reconnect, should be welcomed and embraced.
THANK YOU, Rosie, for opening up a TABOO subject that has affected my whole life. The intolerance of folks who dismember our loyalty to being Armenian, our very precious identity, is a form of vicious gaslighting and is fracturing our Armenian unity. My story sounds a lot like your mom’s, but for those who wish to consider compassion, there are some deeper truths they must understand. My parents did not speak Armenian in the home when I was a child in the 1950’s, even though I used to beg them to speak it. It was their secret language to share with each other. But, more deeply, I came to find out later that they were each stoned by the newly successfully immigrated Irish (who themselves were formerly abused…) when they first went to, Kindergarten, in both Leominster and Lowell, Mass, because they only spoke Armenian. So, now you see, for people trying to assimilate, there is a deeper story. Yes, I was sent to 2 Armenian schools and I can read and write perfectly, but my conversational use is minimal. I once counted up the number of words I knew-1,000!…but could I string them together? If anyone wants to spend time conversing with me, respond here and transform your angst into this positive use! Anyway, as the founder of the Ethnic Arts Center, I have created over twenty Armenian Folktale Puppet Shows. These authentically bring alive our culture through all the ethnic arts. And, yes, they include Armenian language conversations by the puppets, Hye proverbs, and call and response…but they are primarily in English. Again, if anyone wants to do something about that, I welcome you to come on stage with me and volunteer as I do and we will have a fully bilingual show! Back to the subject, as an early member of the Tekeyan Folk Dance group in the 1970’s, there was severe ostracism by newly immigrated Beirutzi’s on why us second generation Armenians did not speak the language thus dividing the dance group into 2 separate communities socially. Some of these people 55+ years later have proven themselves to be true HYPOCRITS because they have nothing to do with the Hye community except for high social status donations or appearances. They have become insular within their own communities, being Armenian with clan only. My stance is therefore this: the Armenian HEART is #1 on what makes us Hye. If we are friendly, warm and open our doors to strangers, and share our food,… Anything else is secondary including the language. If anyone has a problem with that, do me no judgement and treat me like an odar, even though I may be truly more Armenian than you, at least in God’s eyes!!
Part 1
We should not treat anyone bad because they don’t speak Armenian as clearly said…no knowledge of something is not a shame.
Part 2
What the “uneducated” must do on their part however is to take a step and learn and enlighten themselves to something that they don’t know.
Be it Language, culture, history…in other words come closer to their identity than to find excuses to ignore parts of it.
The more you know about your identity, the better you will value your identity. It’s as simple as that.
Any Armenian individual’s participation in ANY community activity counts, regardless of whether you know the language or not. It all carries value and shows intent. Whether it’s joining dance troupes, baking days at church, keeping Sunday Schools vibrant by bringing your children, teens participating in youth groups, showing up for April 24 commemorations, patronizing Armenian-owned businesses, attending church services on any random Sunday (not just holidays) and yes, traveling to Armenia despite not knowing the language…. it’s all good, and it’s all equally worthy as a way to keep our community vibrant. If you’re wondering, I can read and write the alphabet, while my spoken word is weak. I’m also from an Armenian-American family where assimilation was a key pillar of our values.