Garen Mouths Off

A Joke, a Plot, a Blot

If I were a much better humorist/comedian/caricaturist, I think I would have created all kinds of jokes about the latest coup in Turkey. Most would center on how farcically short and amateurish it was. Things like: “How many days does a Turkish coup d’état last? We’ll never know, Turks can’t count that high, they only know hours”; or “How many Turkish air force pilots does it take to shoot down a plane? They can’t, because they don’t know how to press the button to fire their weapons” (playing off reports that pilots participating in the coup had a lock on the plane carrying President Erdogan but never shot it down); or even “How far away do you have to live to plot a Turkish coup? About 5,300 miles (8,500 kilometers)”—the distance from Ankara to the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania (where Fethullah Gulen resides, whom Erdogan is holding responsible for the attempt).

Fethullah Gulen in 2014 (Photo: Selahattin Sevi/Zaman)
Fethullah Gulen in 2014 (Photo: Selahattin Sevi/Zaman)

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Garen Yegparian

Garen Yegparian is a fat, bald guy who has too much to say and do for his own good. So, you know he loves mouthing off weekly about anything he damn well pleases to write about that he can remotely tie in to things Armenian. He's got a checkered past: principal of an Armenian school, project manager on a housing development, ANC-WR Executive Director, AYF Field worker (again on the left coast), Operations Director for a telecom startup, and a City of LA employee most recently (in three different departments so far). Plus, he's got delusions of breaking into electoral politics, meanwhile participating in other aspects of it and making sure to stay in trouble. His is a weekly column that appears originally in Asbarez, but has been republished to the Armenian Weekly for many years.
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