You love me.
You love me when I’m your daughter’s camp counselor.
You know I’ll make sure she wears clean socks every day.
You love me in the industrial church kitchen.
Melting butter and browning egg noodles for you to enjoy at the church bazaar.
You love me on the AYF executive.
I made the Google Drive they still use as a template today. That year, there was an all-women executive board.
You love me setting up for your hantess.
Rolling out the big round tables and placing the silverware in the right spots. Sometimes an event just needs a woman’s touch.
You love me dressed femininely Sunday night at Olympics.
You look so pretty. Yes, but did you know I completed a pentathlon this morning?
You love me as the Junior advisor.
I’m just the person to guide our youth. A positive role model for your daughters. So motherly.
You love me for learning how to roll dolma.
A tradition passed down from woman to woman. The keepers of our history. The carriers of our future.
You love me dancing on a stage in my taraz.
To be a woman is to perform.
You love me as your kids’ babysitter.
Ten bucks an hour, a price you set yourself and I too politely accepted. Wouldn’t it be crass as a woman to ask for more money?
You love me as the secretary for AYF Convention.
I listen well, and without a chance to speak myself, I record every detail from everyone else. Their words will live forever in the archives while mine die on my lips.
You love me as a member of the ARS.
Gossiping and chineh–ing and whatever else the ladies do.
You love me at my own wedding.
You make such a beautiful bride. You’ll be a great mom, too. What does one have to do with the other?
You love me in the church choir.
Singing soprano and barred from stepping foot on the altar.
You love me as a Dinkjian.
At least they have one son to carry on the family name. I didn’t change my last name, for your information.
You love me on the haleh line. The novelty of my mom, my sister and I leading.
It’s traditionally a man’s dance, you know. Yes, we know. We just don’t care.
You love me as the keynote speaker at your flag raising event.
I’m well spoken and educated. I’m qualified, and I’m passionate.
You love me as a rapid responder.
With what little platform I have, I shine the light unto you. Post and repost, share, like and subscribe.
You love me when I stand up for Armenians around the world, shifting my gaze to wherever it’s needed.
And when I ask you to stand up for me, for this Armenian in this world, suddenly you’re unwilling. Your feet unyielding. All your power invested somewhere else. Unable to make a decision. To choose between two candidates who haven’t catered to you, as if you’ve not been catered to for centuries.
You love me while you say don’t hate me for how I voted.
But it’s not you who should be afraid; isn’t it obvious I’m the one who’s hated here?
You love me and support me. You’ll protect me and fight for me.
So long as I am an Armenian first, and a woman somewhere else down the line.
But just as we cannot imagine Armenia without the sanctity of Christianity,
I cannot imagine myself without the painful certainty of my womanhood.
And if you do not love that about me, you do not love me at all.
Forgive me as I mourn my role in this community. It has let me down.
Arev Dinkjian
Latest posts by Arev Dinkjian (see all)
- You Love Me - November 6, 2024
- Aunt Rosemary’s Brother - August 6, 2024
- The Move - May 15, 2024
Love you better when not being a drama queen….relax…everything is going to be alright…things didn’t go your way?Imagine how I felt the last 4 years…welcome to the real world…the sun will come up tomorrow and the world goes on…
My thoughts exactly! Grow up!!
People not getting the point of this amazingly written article is the actual point of this article. We have a lot of work to do as Armenian women.
Well said.
Beautifully said and very heartbreaking.
Wow Arev!—Quite an impassioned proclamation unfortunately most often falling on ears that don’t hear and eyes that don’t see.
Sometimes grace and kindness is misinterpreted by the uninformed and unaligned as accommodating and weak.
They’re just wrong.
Bravo!! This is how we raise our Armenian girls!
Louder for the ignorance in the back row.
Are – You have managed to put words to the emotions I have been feeling ever since reading about the “non-endorsements”. Betrayal just about sums it up, as this poem so eloquently articulates. I often wonder if the result would have been the same if, instead of the men in charge, women were leading. Educate your daughters! It is the only way to move forward.
On a day where many of us are understandably frustrated with the results of the election, what an odd choice to center oneself and target one’s community — especially, I might add, from a blue state. I take personal offense to the statement that the Armenian community let you down – why make this generalization that we all voted one way, or all share the same values? While we are united by our culture, our experiences (and our motivations for voting) are far from monolithic. Why assume the worst of intentions from your own people? Lastly – “dancing in taraz” is not merely a performance but a revolutionary act of cultural preservation. I’m sorry to see you portray that, and the other roles described here, as something shameful or small.
Hurt and anger is justified and your American right. Blaming your own people for that hurt and anger is not productive, nor is it fair.
I think you’ve misread the piece. The second line of most of the couplets — including the one about dancing — is meant to represent not the narrator’s point of view but the point of view of the people she’s disappointed in. It’s certain other people, not Arev, who think that ” To be a woman is to perform.” That’s what she’s saying.
Thanks David, I was able to grasp that on my own. I think you’ve misread my comment.
Thanks Daniel, I was able to grasp that on my own. The quote “to be a woman is to perform” is from Simone de Beauvoir; pairing it with the line about dancing here is actually a break from the conceit with the italics in the rest of the piece.
The author’s assertion that the outcome of the presidential election proves that the Armenian community somehow does not value or “love” her as a woman makes no sense. If this was simply a piece about pushing back against being put into a box by these traditional roles and expectations, I would be all applause. It’s the “my community has let me down” that makes this weird and misplaced.
Worst take I’ve read in a while filled with straw man arguments and delusions of grandeur. Is this really what goes through your mind at a time like this? You are questioning “the future of your womanhood” while living in the USA, a first world country? Think of all the poor women in Palestine, Sudan, China, and beyond who are being abused, imprisoned, or worse; and you have the nerve to cry out for attention. Embarrassing and shame on the Weekly for publishing this.
Powerful words from a powerful woman. We are all Arev this morning after the election. Our men, community and the United States have voted against the interests of women. But we are resilient and we shall overcome.
Thank you Aline for your words. Arev does speak for me as an Armenian woman too. Her words were very powerful and important. We are looking for shards of hope these dark days as women’s right come under assault.
Bravo
Beautifully said
Passion unwavering, but that’s who you are for all & everything you do!!
Continue to believe, because that’s what really matters ❤️🇦🇲
Arev, you have touched my soul. I love you.
Hi Arev,
There’s a few things that dont really make sense to me from this article. You are seemingly proud to be involved in the Armenian community, but are now denouncing it because some Armenians didnt vote for the same person as you? Everyone is entitled to vote for whoever they want so I dont understand why you choose to bring the entire community into this. The line, “You love me as a member of the ARS.
Gossiping and chineh–ing and whatever else the ladies do” is deeply offensive to the women who dedicate their lives to the organization and helping Armenians worldwide. Are Armenian women just gossipers? Why further divide the Armenian community when we are fighting to be united?
You can rest assured your womanhood isn’t going anywhere; this is a ridiculous article to be posted in a reputable publication.
To repeat what I’ve written above: I think you’ve misread the piece. The second line of most of the couplets — including the one about the ARS members — is meant to represent not the narrator’s point of view but the point of view of the people she’s disappointed in. It’s certain other (apparently male) people, not Arev, who think that HOMouhis do frivolous stuff like gossip.That’s what she’s saying.
Well Daniel, that would be an assumption on her part would it not? Maybe reflecting the ideas of the men who surround her… There’s no need to bring the entire community down when you have these inner thoughts within yourself and your own family. Homouhis are the pillar of my community in the east coast. She seems to be playing victim, without a crime. This is America… everyone has the free will to vote however they like. FREEDOM
As a member if the ARS, I agree 10000%. I am highly offended. As I sit here trying to ensure the ARS mission doesn’t die as it becomes harder and harder to recruit young woman into the organization – reading that line hurt my soul. As an Ungerouhi, I strive daily to ensure our community both locally and globally are receiving aid, endless hours thinking out of the box to fundraise. The endless hours of woman in the kitchen for the next bake sale, thanksgiving food sale. The part of “whatever else they do” Ungerouhi go to more meetings, read your minutes and be more active in your chapter. Because that line shows you (Arev) aren’t.
There is nothing wrong with being a feminine Armenian woman, nothing wrong with wearing taraz, nothing wrong with babysitting for $10 an hour for the family at your church or community.
My parents taught me to be independent but simultaneously I love everything about a nurturing badass Armenian woman. Armenian grandmothers are badass, they teach me how to be the best WOMAN for my community. Being a woman is a blessing God has given you. To sit there and say you’ve been disappointed on how people voted – the WHOLE USA voted this way.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Beautifully written! Thank you for speaking up about our intersectional identities as Armenian American women.
God bless you
Thank you for this true and heartbreaking message. I pray for better days ahead .
Arev, this was a wonderfully thought out and insightful piece of writing. Your voice is one of your strongest tools. Don’t ever stop using it. There are very few I would choose follow dancing the Haleh than you and the other Dinkjian women. Furthermore, if you’re commenting under the name ‘anonymous’ your response is invalid.
So we are blaming Armenians for the outcome of this election?
Armenians from New Jersey? Whose state was blue?
What a way to prop yourself up while putting other women in this community down. A real slap in the face to women who choose to stay true to values and traditions that mean something to THEM. To also demean the women of the ARS who tirelessly volunteer their time to provide humanitarian aid to Armenians in need for over 100 years. Shame on you and Armenian Weekly for publishing this. Not getting your way in an election gives you no right to look down on others and bash the community you claim to love and be so proud of.
👍🏼👍🏼
Do you consume and appropriate your culture? Do you perform it out of some expectation or obligation? Seems like you’ve orientalized your “Armenianness” for yourself. If “rolling dolma” is an oppressive act of the patriarchy for you, then simply don’t. Maybe your kids will learn to roll dolma from the ARS ladies cheneh-ing that you disdain so much. Another commenter said it beautifully, these women dedicate their lives to the organization, relentlessly offer their time and space to serve our country. If you are reducing down your presence in the ARS to merely gossip time, then reconsider how you spend your time there. Tell me about your daraz: what patterns do you wear, what head gear, is it a model of a daraz from a certain village? Tell me about your dances: when you clap your hands, what does it symbolize, what animal’s movements are you replicating in your movements? What are you trying to kick away or reach up to when you jump? “To be a woman is to perform.” Can you answer these questions? Or do you merely perform your culture without intention or purpose? You say you feel betrayed, but perhaps you are the one who has betrayed yourself. “You love me…” but how many of these acts do you do out of intrinsic love and not obligation? These words read like those written with resentment built over time. Your Armenianness does not threaten or detract from your womanhood nor vice versa, regardless of how anyone votes. I feel most feminine in my Armenianness in the most revolutionary and empowered kind of way. No amount of noise from the world around me can change that.
Well said.
Well said!! Bravo.
I can’t believe some of these comments, which are further proving her point haha. Arev, thank you for giving a voice to so many Armenian women in such a beautiful and articulate expression of emotion and reality.
Beautifully written! As an Armenian American woman and a grandmother of a young Armenian American grandmother, our feelings are so aligned with you. 💔 Please, continue doing everything you cherish as an Armenian but at the same time never let the negative comments from cowardly anonymous people are posting.
All you do is so appreciated as a roll model for all our young women!!
I respect the author’s raw honesty and frankness- it’s not easy to do that in a small community like the Armenian one where everyone is concerned about how what one says or does might reflect on the family name, a name that is mentioned in the poem. I knew it would get some hate, and it is rightfully controversial, but what strikes me most is that every single person (except the first) who left a critical or angry comment did so anonymously. Whatever you think of the author, it takes a lot of bravery to stand up and voice what are clearly very deep genuine personal feelings based on her lived experience. It’s noteworthy that those heckling her for speaking up didn’t have the same courage.
As an Armenian-American woman, my vote for the “left” had absolutely nothing to do with my ethnicity. In fact, my vote was in vain and reluctant, knowing that the candidate aided and reinforced genocide on our people. Why drag the Armenian community into this when in fact the issue you write about is by default an American one? Your article merely paints the picture of a victimized person who is using her Armenian community as a punching bag for this year’s election outcome.
You also do not serve the Armenian community sincerely, or simply be Armenian, if you plan on listing all the things you have done when things don’t go your way, and expect to be owed something in return to boot. You do those things because it’s who you are and for the betterment of our people—I hope.
Holy….. the narcissism and hypocrisy being spewed in this article is absolutely insane. Let’s not forget how offensive it is just because some people don’t have the same political view points. You were fine the first term I promise you’ll be ok this time too. Making this about being Armenian while going against the only candidate that’s ever acknowledged the genocide is really something.
Arev, you made my heart and mind even stronger even at my age. Your words resonate with my being. Continue your journey with eyes wide open. You have a long way to go. You will see and do many things that touch your heart and rock your soul. You are a trail blazer. Keep burning those roads.
Loving the Armenian community but often feeling overlooked as a woman is too familiar a feeling. Thank you for sharing your words!
I’m genuinely trying to understand, of all the reasons someone can be upset with the outcome of the election — the author went home and thought “you know who’s at fault for this? AYF, ARS, and the ANCA”. Absolutely absurd. The disparaging tone used talking about organizations so many of us love and have spent our lives is just offensive. Maybe you should reserve your outrage for the administration that watched over the ethnic cleansing of your people, rather than our marginalized community collectives. This is neither courageous nor insightful, frankly it’s dumb.
Also, I thought this was an ARF paper, of all the articles you can run the day after a major US election, this is the one you guys chose to platform?
Hi Arev,
I’m not sure what the election had to do with you only, opposed to every other citizen in this country.
We all have our opinions and concerns for for the future, so we as US citizens were given the privilege to vote for our candidate. Have you heard of Democracy?
Also, don’t worry about your womanhood, whatever that means. We don’t always have control in life, but God does and you have to trust him.
I pray that God will soften your heart.
Regardless of the negative comments you receive, I want you to know this is exactly how I am feeling. Don’t stop writing and advocating, we need your voice now more than ever.
Love this ungerouhi
Thank you Arev for shining light on this topic. We are both women and Armenian, it’s our identity and culture. You highlight the roles in which women play in the reality of being an Armenian Women. I relate to to you and understand. You are not alone, and I hope that things will change for better. Thank you for giving us a voice.
Writing articles blaming our own communities as opposed to the genocide complicit political candidates who couldn’t point to Armenia on a map is the height of detached diasporan neo-liberalism. Please direct that ire and energy for the people who didn’t even blink when your communities were being massacred and ethnically cleansed — including your preferred presidential candidate.
Additionally, as a paper I love and respect, mostly because I grew up in organizations like the AYF, ANCA, and ARS, I’m a little concerned of all the narratives we could have promoted after an election following the genocide of our people under this very administration — we choose one that demeans and belittles these incredible institutions in defense of some American politician. This is reads like reductive self-orientalism — a bitter cathartic release against cherished institutions because someone’s preferred candidate wasn’t elected. The Biden-Harris administration has destroyed the lives of countless women from Artsakh to Palestine and beyond, their suffering is no less important than by those cradled in the arms of the west.
Our service to these organizations is part of a sacred oath, not a favor or something to be used as a rhetorical device to defend some U.S. presidential candidate. Who are either Trump or Harris to demean our organizations for? We do what we do for our communities because we love them, this isn’t a transactional exchange. Additionally, nothing we do for them comes close to what we’ve received by being a part of them.
This paper represents so many of us, please be more responsible in what we decide to publish and platform, especially if it belittles the organizations we’re supposed to represent.
God forbid we ever have a little introspection or dare to consider our own faults among the many others out there. Consider the source of this comment, a guy who has slavishly been ushered up the ladder of our community organizations by always falling in line, here telling a woman who hasn’t and dares to speak her mind to shut up. It’s so typical, you’re exactly the problem she wrote this to address, no wonder you find it so unprintable.
What is a woman? Can you define that?
Perhaps do not turn your community into a monolith by assuming the entire community for one candidate over another.
It is a candidate’s job to persuade, not a minority community’s job to turn out. No party is owed a vote from this community.
Even in this piece, there is no persuasion or policy or argument, merely “me me me”, finger wagging, and fear mongering. That’s the condescending approach that put the Democratic Party in this place. Self reflection is needed.
This is the most hypocritical opinion I have ever heard. Armenian weekly it’s time for a shakeup in your editors, and I hope you dont censore this comment like the Biden-Harris admin censored RFK, DJT among others.
I don’t think the article is based on a fair premise. You’re stereotyping and lashing out at an entire community that was likely pretty diverse in how its votes actually split.
Why do you assume the entire Armenian Community voted for Trump? Do you have any statistical modeling showing the breakdown of how this demographically and geographically diverse community actually voted? Or is this an assumption that you are projecting onto all Armenians?
There are much more motivating factors driving voters to one candidate or another than simply hatred of women or thoughts of you. Our community, like other communities in this country, have true economic and social anxieties that can not be painted away with broad strokes or stereotypes.
The losing party in an election needs to question what the party leadership could have done better, as opposed to blaming voters for making the “wrong” choice.
A candidate’s job is to persuade voters, it is not a minority community’s job to turn out to vote for a single party or another.
This is so so beautifully written. Putting into words how many Armenian women have been feeling. ❤️
So, is the pro-choice choir not pro-choice when it comes to the freedom of voting for whoever you’d like? Genuine question…
The responses to this piece are unfortunately perfectly proving the point you strive to make. Some people’s inability to analyze literature, lift up women’s voices and opinions, and be self-critical are very evident in the comments. Thank you for writing this. Thank you for speaking up. This helped me feel less alone and I admire you to no end for sharing. I see you, I love you, and I hear you, Arev.
Wait a minute, let me get this straight … you feel as though everyone should vote one way – in fact, YOUR way – instead of each individual having the right to her or his own thought and her or his own vote?
And Trump was the authoritarian?
You live a highly charmed existence, so stop playing the victim.
I’m sure that all of your friends – both female and male – have very strong
feelings for you.
Don’t shame them, for something that you yourself are doing.
Arev I hope you keep fighting another day. I’m sorry our community (largely) has let us down. Women are the backbone of the Armenian cause and one day everyone will realize it too.
Along with a host of other reasons, I could not vote for someone endorsed by Dick Cheney. I think I’m not alone in that regard. Please don’t take that as a personal attack.
https://youtube.com/shorts/J4BMGox8M_g?si=0rfPoKnbbIJCnKRq
Arev, thank you for taking the time to write this and share it with us. I’ve been thinking about this piece since it was published, and how true it rings for myself and others. This is a source of comfort for me that I’m not alone and a reminder of the work we have remaining ahead of us for ourselves and future generations.
We don’t have to agree with Arev’s comments to respect
her right to her views and to thank her for the unfiltered raw
transparency. I will thank her for enabling a dialogue that obviously is important given the large volume of comments.
One of the purposes of opinion pieces is to encourage dialogue on issues important. The views of Armenian women in our contemporary community cultures are essential and our younger adults are critical. Thank you.