Things Left Unsaid

Image courtesy of @decade2doodles

Being alone means fear clouding everything
My eyes feel heavy like I am heavily medicated
Almost like they, as their own people, are pressured to stay open
I am pressured to converse with my eyes, without verbal communication, because lack of eye to eye interactions defines my state as loneliness

I am tired…physically at least
And shutting off feels easier than being alone in public, said my anxiety 

 

And that is because I’ve forgotten the beauty of loneliness
Now that is a bad thing
I’ve forgotten the beauty of loneliness 

 

I could be lonely or lonesome and that depends on one’s attitude
I could be here, lonely and alone, and not observe my surroundings, allowing loneliness to win over my existing atoms

 

Or I can search for the lonesome in loneliness that will get me moving from one thought to the next
From one journey’s temporary destination onto another journey’s temporary destination
My temporary anxiety, it will interchangeably switch from my next thought and destination
I will, one day, easily choose to think of another thought or go to another place, that is when anxiety will be conquered because gaining control over my choices and my feelings is when I’ve won …

The ellipsis after “I’ve won”

So that it teaches you, as a reader, that it is all to be continued as our thoughts are a never ending state

So that it normalizes anxiety, so that it normalizes not being able to easily switch from a thought to another, so that it normalizes not being able to decide on another place.

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Lori Sinanian

Lori A. Sinanian has been the project coordinator at the Armenian National Committee of America - Western Region (ANCA-WR) since March 2015. As project coordinator, she has helped organize two 'Rally for Justice' demonstrations. Sinanian is a product of two immigrant parents of ethnic Armenian descent from Cyprus and Venezuela. She is currently studying English Literature at UC Irvine.
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