Things Left Unsaid

Being alone means fear clouding everything
My eyes feel heavy like I am heavily medicated
Almost like they, as their own people, are pressured to stay open
I am pressured to converse with my eyes, without verbal communication, because lack of eye to eye interactions defines my state as loneliness

I am tired…physically at least
And shutting off feels easier than being alone in public, said my anxiety 

And that is because I’ve forgotten the beauty of loneliness
Now that is a bad thing
I’ve forgotten the beauty of loneliness 

I could be lonely or lonesome and that depends on one’s attitude
I could be here, lonely and alone, and not observe my surroundings, allowing loneliness to win over my existing atoms

Or I can search for the lonesome in loneliness that will get me moving from one thought to the next
From one journey’s temporary destination onto another journey’s temporary destination
My temporary anxiety, it will interchangeably switch from my next thought and destination
I will, one day, easily choose to think of another thought or go to another place, that is when anxiety will be conquered because gaining control over my choices and my feelings is when I’ve won …

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The ellipsis after “I’ve won”

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So that it teaches you, as a reader, that it is all to be continued as our thoughts are a never ending state

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So that it normalizes anxiety, so that it normalizes not being able to easily switch from a thought to another, so that it normalizes not being able to decide on another place.

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Lori Sinanian

Lori Sinanian graduated from the University of California, Irvine with a B.A. in English Literature. She has received awards for her writing, such as the UCI Black Lives Matter Writing Contest and “Be Heard” Calouste Gulbenkian Prize. As a community advocate, journalist and literature scholar, she has come to appreciate the versatility of language in its many genres and modes. Lori has been featured in publications including Wall Street Journal, The Armenian Weekly, and Insight Magazine for her journalism and creative work.

Latest posts by Lori Sinanian (see all)

• Things Left Unsaid - August 28, 2019
• Keepers of the Flame - June 6, 2019
• Monsoon in my Blood - October 4, 2018