Uncle Garabed’s Notebook (April 30, 2011)

Based on a Japanese Proverb

At the punch bowl’s brink,
Let the thirsty think,
What they say in Japan:
“First the man takes a drink,
Then the drink takes a drink,
Then the drink takes the man.”
…Edward R. Sill

A Modern Aphorism

A friendless man knows no traitors.

Shuffle Off to Buffalo

An Armenian from New York City was traveling to Buffalo. He went to Grand Central Station to take the train. He bought his ticket but was a bit early. So, he amused himself by walking through the arcade looking in the shop windows, when he spied in an alcove a scale with a sign: “Your Weight and Fortune 5 cents.” Being amused at the prospect, he thought, “Why not?” He stepped on the scale and inserted a nickel in the slot. Out came a card that read, “You weigh 150 pounds, you’re an Armenian, and you’re on your way to Buffalo.” The man was thunderstruck! “How can a machine know that?” he thought to himself. Just then an Indian chief came walking by, and the Armenian addressed the Indian, “Excuse me, chief. There’s a machine here that can do wonders telling one’s weight and fortune. I wonder if you might accommodate me by letting the machine guess yours. I’ll pay the cost. “Ugh,” says the Indian, and steps on the scale. The Armenian inserts a nickel, and out comes a card that reads, “You weigh 180 pounds, you’re an Indian chief, and you’re on your way to Oklahoma.” The Armenian asks, “Chief, is this true?” The Indian replies, “Ugh, very true.” The Armenian is beside himself. “Oh, my heavens, what a machine!” Just then he gets an idea, and turns to the Indian, and says, “Listen, chief, let’s see if we can fool this machine. Will you lend me your headdress and blanket?” “Ugh,” says the Indian, and gives him both. The Armenian dons the headdress and wraps himself in the blanket, steps on the machine, and inserts a nickel. Out comes a card that reads, “You now weigh 160 pounds, you’re still a dopey Armenian, and while you were playing Indian, you missed your train to Buffalo.”

What’s in a Name?

Yedigarian: Turkish in derivation, identified as a descriptive term, yedi is defined as the number seven, and gar as a large railway station. As a variant of Yedigir, which is defined astrologically as the constellation Ursa Major, the seven stars of the Great Bear.

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CK Garabed

Weekly Columnist

C.K. Garabed (a.k.a. Charles Kasbarian) has been active in the Armenian Church and Armenian community organizations all his life. As a writer and editor, he has been a keen observer of, and outspoken commentator on, political and social matters affecting Armenian Americans. He has been a regular contributor to the Armenian Reporter and the AGBU Literary Quarterly, “ARARAT.” For the last 30 years, Garabed has been a regular contributor to the Armenian Weekly. He produces a weekly column called “Uncle Garabed's Notebook,” in which he presents an assortment of tales, anecdotes, poems, riddles, and trivia; for the past 10 years, each column has contained a deconstruction of an Armenian surname. He believes his greatest accomplishment in life, and his contribution to the Armenian nation, has been the espousing of Aghavni, and the begetting of Antranig and Lucine.

Latest posts by CK Garabed (see all)

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