You awaken tired on a Friday morning after an evening of entertaining, wondering where your next column will come from—and voila! The answer magically appears in front of you as you begin reading your emails.
The answer is handed to you on a silver platter. My ol’ friend George Mouradian is at it again. He has authored another book. It seems we have another Dr. Phil on our hands. And while George may not get his own TV show, he may snag an interview on Vaughn Masropian’s Detroit area Armenian Radio Program.
You’ve heard of Curious George? Well, now we have Mischievous George. The retired engineer-turned-author has authored several other books. PublishAmerica forwarded me an announcement of the release of George’s newest book, Guideline to Your Magical Marriage.
I rubbed my unbelieving eyes while chuckling out loud to make sure I was seeing correctly. Yes, there it is for all to see: “advice on how to achieve matrimonial bliss…if couples follow the guidelines outlined in the book, they have a good chance of approaching the magic.” I can hardly wait till I receive my copy to find out about “the magic.” This announcement came out of left field, a total surprise.
I have my own interpretation of what that magic could be—the little woman agreeing to everything the husband has decided? I would be in big trouble if that were the case.
Those of you who know George and his charming wife Marguerite, whom we call Rose, agree they are a lovely, happy couple boasting 59 years of marriage. Wedded bliss? Apparently so, but they say behind every successful man (and marriage?) is a woman. They also say you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. In this case, though, both George and Rose seem to have simpatico, compatible personalities. They are well respected people in this community.
The statement from the publisher says Georged interviewed dozens of happy and divorced couples, adding his own experience. The book includes planning for marriage, compatibility, health, stress, finances, raising children, Christian principles, and more. It covers the mundane and tedious times of marriage. Does that include the seven year itch, or was that supposed to be the seventh inning stretch? I get them confused.
Well, George didn’t interview me and I feel left out. I can tell you this, that 47 years ago, I may have agreed at the altar to love, honor, and obey, but I would ixnay the “obey” part today.
Some of us women are peculiar. We’d like to have it all. We want someone to watch over and take care of us, like the lyrics in the old standard song, but we also want freedom enough to flutter around like a butterfly, shopping and lunching with friends, or going on a week-end of golfing with the girls with the blessing of our husbands. None of this father figure stuff, although I always believe it will be a man’s world.
Whatever happened to love songs like “I’ve Got you Under My Skin,” “That Old Black Magic,” “As Time Goes By,” or “Khntsori Dzarin Daguh” (Beneath the Apple Tree)? Instead we hear the Goo Goo Dolls and Smashing Pumpkins.
Times are different now and although I am not to a large degree a feminist, I believe in the kind of marriage my parents set as an example to me. Dad was the head of the family in no uncertain terms. He was the breadwinner, and mother ran the house. She wore dresses, and was an excellent host and housekeeper. She baked and entertained with the best of them. She also did not drive a car. Each had their own role and treated one another with respect.
On the other hand, if I were 18 today and been given the choice, I would have gotten a formal education, pursued a career first, and planned on marriage much later in life. Women of today need to be able to take care of themselves just in case that knight in shining armor falls off his white horse and she has to support herself. Even Armenian marriages can fail.
Leave it to Larry. Larry Avedesian sat posted at the Armenian Community Center door taking a casual poll at a recent kebab dinner. He queried every spouse married over 40 years if they would again wed the same person. The answers were an emphatic “No!” “Absolutely not!” “Are you kidding?” and “Never again!” Did you know that George? Must have been an off- marriage day in Michigan.
When I wed in the 60’s, the dark ages, nice Armenian girls knew little about marriage and they didn’t leave home until they got married. We weren’t worldly. Tongues would wag incessantly if you got your own apartment. Tell that to girls now.
We marched down the aisle on the arm of our doting dads, our virginal faces covered with a white veil (yes, white) as we marched down the aisle to paradise. Let the rice fly. A mother wiped the tears from her face knowing she had no more daughters left to marry off. No old maids at her house! She is relieved.
One time, someone had the nerve to ask me what it was like being married to a non-Hye. My answer was, just like any other man only without the “ian.” He goes everywhere I go, which is mainly to Armenian functions. Marriage to a non-Armenian has its challenges, to be sure. Cultures and customs clash. One or the other has to give more.
Every marriage has its own issues; every marriage of long duration didn’t get there with a magic bullet. It takes patience and endurance. The priest performing your ceremony should deal in reality. His sealing of your betrothal should come with a warning label before you turn around smiling arm in arm with your groom as you head down the aisle. He should say, “Divorce Is Not An Option.” That should sober you up.
There was a time when divorce was a stigma; it should still be that way. The same for childbearing out of wedlock. It seems there is no such thing as amot (shame) today. When my mother told me there were only three reasons a person could get a divorce in the old country where she lived, I laughed shaking my head in disbelief. They were if someone had unpleasant breath, could not bear children, or were adulterous.
Morays change because people become more tolerant of what used to be considered immoral behavior, but where does it end? George’s marriage manual should be of great help, a perfect gift just in time for those June weddings. When Bob and I tied the knot, strangely enough among our gifts was a dictionary and a Betty Crocker cookbook. Both have been well used, just like our marriage. Our chances of making it to 50 years? I don’t know, I will have to read Geroge Mouradian’s new book.
Order his book online at www.publishamerica.net.
Betty Apigian-Kessel
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Betty; Leon Redbone is an Armenian who sings the kind of songs you are yearning for. They are sung in English. He is a contemporary blues and jazz singer of the first order. Buy just one of his disks and you will want them all.
You can buy them online if your local stores don’t have them.
As for “marriage magic;” if you’ve been happily married once, don’t marry again. You won’t be able to replicate the relationship.
If You have been unhappily married once, don’t marry again. You don’t want to replicate the relationship.
If you are lonesome and your house seems empty, just get yourself a nice little dog who always wags its tail when you come home, never snaps at you, doesn’t care what you look like nude, and doesn’t want his own tv remote and charge card. simple pleasures, an uncomplicated life, equals happiness.