Yegparian: Right-Wing Daffynitions

Let’s have some fun with the brazen absurdities that the right wing of American political life espouses. I’ve tried to tease out what they mean with their terms, and here’s what I’ve gotten, in alphabetical order.

“Bipartisanship.” In this case, the Republican Party demonstrates a new, non-Latin based meaning for “bi.” It seems to mean, “Do what we want, totally, forget what you (the Democratic Party) want, otherwise we’ll say you’re shutting us out”. Example? Healthcare reform. After about a year of discussions, concessions, and changes watering down what many on the left/Democratic side of the debate had hoped would be much more comprehensive, the Republicans claimed to have been shut out. Huh?

“Fair and balanced.” This is the phrase used to force otherwise reasonable people in the media to report “the other side” of an argument, no matter how outlandish, or unsupported by facts, or how few people (usually those making money off the argument) actually support it. This is also the Turkish approach to genocide denial. Present the matter as “controversial” and you’ve already won by stymieing progress on any issue. By this logic, if some loony group argued that Everest was the lowest point on the planet, it would have to be presented as the opposing argument.

“Fair taxation.”- To right wingers, the rich and corporations paying ever less in taxes (compare tax rates, especially the corporate, in the post-World War II era with what they are today, if you feel like having a heart attack), while the rest of us pay the same or higher rates, is defined as “fair.” Meg Whitman, the Republican candidate for governor of California, herself a billionaire, has promoted such policy in her platform. She advocates reducing capital gains tax rates to, you guessed it, ZERO. Since she’s not working, in the usual sense, the bulk of her income nowadays is naturally coming from her investments. What rate do you think that money would be taxed at if her idea becomes law?

“Government is taking over.” Really, when we hear this argument, what’s happening is rapacious corporate interests are having their wings clipped, barely. Usually, long-overdue regulation is being implemented to protect citizens.

“Helping the economy recover.” Hearing this, you should understand a right winger means, in common English, “allow greed to flourish; maintain high unemployment; pass more lopsided trade agreements that undercut health, labor, and environmental needs; allow anyone to do anything they want, economically, BUT, not in their personal lives; get more people killed in wars of aggression, not defense.” The list is long, but, you get the idea.

“Reduce the national debt.” The right wing has no problem increasing the national debt through spending money on wars and a 10-year trillion dollar estate tax break for the rich (adopted early in Bush Jr.’s first term). But, when it comes to extending unemployment benefits for those who are paying the price, in joblessness, for the shenanigans of the class of people who benefitted from that trillion (the same ones who brought us this “Great Recession”), all of a sudden, the debt/deficit spending becomes an issue. We’re talking about a few tens of billions of dollars, i.e. some 20 times less than the estate tax giveaway. So I guess for right-wingers, fighting the national debt means keeping average people mired in misery.

 “Media are picking on _____.” Most often this is heard with the modifier “left-wing” attached to media. For now, let’s disregard my conviction that any unbiased assessment of the slant presented by the media today vs. half a century ago (during the right wing’s “ideal” 1950’s) would find a drastic, gargantuan shift, rendering it a “right-wing media.” Listen/watch for this phrase whenever the media do their job and report the facts, which, inconveniently for right-wingers, don’t support their anachronistic (at best) positions.

“Science.” For a right-winger, this means what s/he believes, regardless of the facts. Example? the Creation Museum in Cincinnati, where visitors learn that humans and dinosaurs walked the planet simultaneously, all within the last 6,000 years!

“Taxing is stealing.” This numbskull nugget is doubly delicious. It not only represents right-wing thought, but it served as a letter-to-the-editor-headline for one of our very favorite genocide deniers, Ergun Kirlikovali, in the Nov.13, 2003 LATimes. If taxing is stealing, what is it when a person/corporation pays no taxes but benefits from the defense, roads, and countless other services provided by the tax collector, i.e. the government?

Please feel free to add to this list.

Garen Yegparian

Garen Yegparian

Asbarez Columnist
Garen Yegparian is a fat, bald guy who has too much to say and do for his own good. So, you know he loves mouthing off weekly about anything he damn well pleases to write about that he can remotely tie in to things Armenian. He's got a checkered past: principal of an Armenian school, project manager on a housing development, ANC-WR Executive Director, AYF Field worker (again on the left coast), Operations Director for a telecom startup, and a City of LA employee most recently (in three different departments so far). Plus, he's got delusions of breaking into electoral politics, meanwhile participating in other aspects of it and making sure to stay in trouble. His is a weekly column that appears originally in Asbarez, but has been republished to the Armenian Weekly for many years.
Garen Yegparian

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3 Comments

  1. Dear Yepgarian,

         With opinions like you have,  it is easy to see why you have gone so far in life.

                                                
                                                       John Kashmanian

  2. You would fit right in with the Obama socialist big government high tax
    kill business attitude.  As a conservative Armenian (unfortunately, there are
    not too many of us) your views rather, suck!!!
    Go to Europe if you want Socialism.  This is America.

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