Uncle Garabed’s Notebook

A Marvelous Mondegreen
When our neighbor went to sign up for use of the township tennis courts, the clerk on duty asked, “Name?”
Thinking to make it easy for him, our neighbor replied, “Kristian, with a K.” The clerk promptly wrote, Christian Withakay.”

Backfire
A frantic housewife called the township game warden and asked what to do about a raccoon that had gotten into her cellar. “Lay a trail of bread crumbs from the cellar to the yard outside, and the raccoon will follow it out,” he advised. Shortly thereafter the woman called back. “I did what you told me, and now I’ve got two raccoons in my cellar.”

One Liner
“I’m sick of people calling me a hypochondriac!”

From the Word Lab
A Burgundian Blow: Decapitation. The Duc de Biron, who was put to death for treason by Henry IV, was told in his youth, by a fortune-teller, “to beware of a Burgundian Blow.” When going to execution, he asked who was to be his executioner, and was told he was a man from Burgundy.

Daffy-nition
Minimum: A tiny mother from England.

Goes Without Saying
Edo: Are you coming to my party to celebrate my getting a new apartment?
Bedo: Of course. I know the address but how do I get to your apartment?
Edo: Take the elevator. Push the button with your elbow, and when the door opens, put your foot against it to keep it open, and then…
Bedo: (Interrupting) Why do I have to use my elbow and my foot?
Edo: Well, for heaven’s sake! You’re not coming empty-handed, are you?

What’s in a Name?
Diratsouian: Armenian in derivation, identified as a calling, Diratsou is defined as a member of a church choir, clerk.

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CK Garabed

Weekly Columnist
C.K. Garabed (a.k.a. Charles Kasbarian) has been active in the Armenian Church and Armenian community organizations all his life. As a writer and editor, he has been a keen observer of, and outspoken commentator on, political and social matters affecting Armenian Americans. He has been a regular contributor to the Armenian Reporter and the AGBU Literary Quarterly, “ARARAT.” For the last 30 years, Garabed has been a regular contributor to the Armenian Weekly. He produces a weekly column called “Uncle Garabed's Notebook,” in which he presents an assortment of tales, anecdotes, poems, riddles, and trivia; for the past 10 years, each column has contained a deconstruction of an Armenian surname. He believes his greatest accomplishment in life, and his contribution to the Armenian nation, has been the espousing of Aghavni, and the begetting of Antranig and Lucine.
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