To the infidel who hacked my computer the other day and screwed up all my files:
A big thank you from the bottom of my heart for the e-mail I never sent asking everyone for $2,000 to assist an ailing relative in Mexico.
Let’s do lunch some time. My treat! But watch out for the cyanide in your drink.
Because of your malice, though, I discovered the true meaning of friendship. People who’d distanced themselves over the past decade suddenly resurfaced. Friends I never knew I had were suddenly calling me to offer a hand.
Very well written, too. Please allow me the privilege of sharing your e-mail with readers, knowing it could very well have been them. I feel honored that you chose me to spread your venom.
I knew you were a hoax from the very beginning. I do not use my middle name (Michael) or my formal name Thomas. It’s Tom to my public. How you got all that personal data is well beyond me. And anybody who knows me sees that I’ve been an AOL addressee and not “zoho.com.”
The e-mail drum roll if you please:
“I need a personal favor.
“I made a trip to Mexico to visit my cousin. He is seriously ill and needs support from family. He was diagnosed with Acute Kidney Injury (AKI), also known as Acute Renal Failure, a type of blood cancer which has ailed him since 2013.
“The chemo treatments were going well until last week when a doctor noticed that the dangerous disease has relapsed. The only way he can survive is through a bone marrow transplant.”
The pirate listed a hospital (Center Medical ABC Hospital) but no address and said the graft would be $10,000. He also added that $8,000 was available toward his treatment, with the remaining sum in balance. That’s where the victims could help.
You could send me the $2,000 through the factitious e-mail address or any amount you could afford.
“I promise to make the refund once we get back home. Your help and support will give my cousin a chance to live a normal life. Any amount will be accepted with gratitude and reimbursed after surgery. I’ll be checking my e-mail every few minutes for your reply.”
Now, our hacker was preying on the most gullible. Let me tell you, there’s more out there than you could imagine. The charade was just beginning.
My first call came at 4:30 p.m. when a friend told me his e-mail bounced back. He wanted to send me a photo of wild turkeys in his backyard. Perfectly legitimate. Another telephoned to ask me how he could be of help. That’s when suspicion rose.
The next five hours were hell bent: One acquaintance after another pledging their support. At one time, I was addressing a caller with two others on call waiting. I had put them on hold.
Priests were calling. A student from Haverhill High down the street wanted to know how she could help. An ethnic charity wanted to set up a fund for me. My daughter-in-law had me on the phone to say my beloved granddaughter was willing to exhaust her savings to help her “papa.”
I couldn’t deal with it anymore and stopped answering the phone at 10 p.m. The next day, I addressed the situation begrudgingly. I logged on to my desktop, changed my password, and went through the usual security check.
It got me on the internet but still no mail. A call was placed to AOL and I was given someone with a heavy accent. I’ve been there before with inaudible service technicians.
Within minutes, the woman had me up and running but with one devastating concern. I had lost e-mails that were stored since 2011, many of them sentimental and others featuring interviews and photos meant for publication.
Like magic, the technician created a separate folder and retrieved the errant e-mails. Everything was restored inside an hour, except for some addresses in my mailbox.
Now, I won’t guess the number of people who challenged the ruse. Would they help a friend like me in need? Not one said no. They all wished to comply, including one or two who had financial concerns of their own.
Just when I thought some normalcy had been restored, I was victim to another electronic dilemma. The e-mails that were restored included more than 100 from correspondents around the world worried about my welfare. Responding to one and all took time.
I have no idea who fell for the hoax and sent money along. I don’t want to know. It’s out of my control. But I wish to tell this vermin that I am indeed obliged to him for renewing my faith in humanity.
Tom Vartabedian
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