Youthful Experiences that Shape Values and Guide our Future

Columnist Stepan Piligian gazing at Ararat with his infant granddaughter Anoush

It is a term we frequently use in describing others and ourselves. “Values”…a person’s principles or behavior…one’s judgment of what is important in life. But where do they come from? Given their significance in our daily life experiences, it may be worth some reflection.

We often hear family members say “he or she has the gene” or “it’s in her DNA.” I’ll leave that to those far more qualified, but in my view, the environment is a major factor. In our early years, we absorb much of what we are exposed to by our parents, role models and family. It may be the repetition (how we learn to read or attending church) or the impact of the experience, but they manifest themselves as we grow and mature.

Consider that from an Armenian community perspective. Your behavior is largely a part of what you experienced during this “absorption” period of your youth. There are exceptions, of course. We all know individuals who were isolated from their heritage early and made a connection later. The point is that understanding the development of these values in your life expands your self-identity and improves your ability to impart those values to your descendants.

We all have vivid recollections of our youth and especially those inflection moments that, in our minds, helped define who we have become. In the diaspora, it is common to have experiences outside the Armenian community that eventually are applied to our Armenian American life. When I was about 10 years old, I lived on my bike. I had a paper route and would also run food errands for my mom. There was still plenty of time for “exploring,” which was another way of saying getting into harmless mischief. There was a local variety store I would visit with friends to get a soda or simply browse. I had no idea, but one day an invisible red line was crossed. I was with two friends who were generally much bigger risk takers than me. Apparently they liked to play a game where one would distract the owner of the store while the other would steal something small like a pack of baseball cards. I was with them on one of their “missions.” They asked me to talk with the owner while they took the “loot.” We went outside, and they shared with me what they had done and told me they wanted to return the favor so I could get something. Naïve and subject to peer pressure, I went inside, and they spoke to the gentleman while I went to the circular rotating rack with the baseball cards. As I reached for the rack, a surge of anxiety hit me. I could not do it. Sure, I could have taken whatever, but something inside said no. I learned later of this value. My “friends” ridiculed me, and needless to say our friendship faded from that point. In thinking about that moment for years, I realized that integrity and honesty were gifts given to me by others. My father was the most honest person I have ever known. He was a leader in our Armenian community and abroad and the most principled role model in my life. He gave me the “seed,” and it emerged that day in the variety store. Those values have guided me through my adult life. I have joined organizations because of them, and I have left organizations for the same reason. It has driven my friendships and has at times made me unpopular, but I am blessed for this gift as I have learned the connection between what we absorb and how we behave.

When I was in the fourth grade, I was essentially a fairly shy kid. I particularly did not enjoy public speaking. Our teacher that year had a habit of asking questions of her students and expecting responses. The only saving grace for me was that she called on us sequentially up one row and on to another. This gave me some time to prepare if it was reading a paragraph or solving a problem. On this day, she threw us a curveball. She wanted each student to stand up and state their ethnic heritage and religious affiliation. Imagine how times have changed. If she asked that question today, she would be suspended at a minimum. Most of the kids in our class were of standard Western European heritage and Catholic or mainstream Protestants. When it came to my turn, I meekly stated that I was Armenian and Armenian Apostolic. The teacher glared at me and stated that she had heard vaguely about Armenians but that “Armenian Apostolic” is not a religion. You must be Protestant or Catholic. Because it was my turn, not one of the student comments took more than five seconds and none of them received a response from the teacher. Another inflection point emerged in my life. I could back down and accept her distortion, or I could risk responding to her. My mind in those few seconds raced with images of my grandparents, my deacon father, my Sunday School mother and countless others that I adored. Another value rose to the surface. Speak up for the truth! Take pride in who you are despite the “hostile” environment. Uncharacteristically, I stated that it was my religion. She stated that I must be under one of the major religions. Responding with a newfound vigor, I stated that we were the first Christian state before all others (thank you, Sunday School). She asked me how I knew this was true. Not recognizing myself with such boldness, I stated because my father is the deacon of the church. That ended what seemed to be an eternity as the exasperated teacher moved on to the girl behind me who simply stated, “Polish and Catholic.” After class, the teacher scolded me for my “attitude.” I apologized, but it was the truth. My friends were waiting in the playground and treated me like a rock star. It was not because of my identity defense, but only because I stood up to our teacher. They asked me why I did it. I just said that I was always taught to tell the truth. It has guided me in my professional career, my family life and our beloved Armenian nation. It is the value that fueled my lifetime interest in justice for the crimes committed against our people. The truth is the foundation and the denial of such is what motivates activism. Over the years of working within our community on Armenian causes or teaching our youth, I think about that day in my fourth grade classroom and how one of those planted values appeared. What is your story? Can you connect experiences in your life that have resurfaced guiding core values?

When I was about 11 years old, I decided to try out for a Little League team in our town. During that time, tryouts were held in a central location for each team. There were no parents there except those who coached. Players who didn’t make the “cut” were sent to a league of lesser skill called the “Farm Team.” There were none of the safeguards of today that maintained a fair process for all those who wished to participate. I remember the stigma attached to the “Farm Team” as one where the “cut” players ended up. It was simply a repository for those who for whatever reason didn’t succeed in tryouts. My buddy and I lived on the other side of town from the tryout location and didn’t know any of the adults running the program. We simply saw a notice at school that tryouts would be held that Saturday. My friend and I were obsessed with baseball at that time and were pretty good players from the hundreds of innings of pickup we played at our local park. We rode our bikes about three to four miles to the park and arrived in plenty of time. Looking back I realize it was what you would call a “bag job” where the tryouts were a show and those selected were already determined. We received very little attention and were told to chase fly balls in the outfield while the “insiders” had all the at bats. The coaches called us all in and thanked us for coming. I was furious. It was my first experience with corruption, and it didn’t sit right with me at all. I am left handed, and all teams can use a decent lefty. As the group was dispersing, with the energy probably left over from the classroom incident, I yelled out, “Hey, coach! We rode a long way and didn’t even get a time at bat. I can hit and my friend is even better.” I think I caught the coach off guard, and he reluctantly said they would throw us a few. He chose the best pitcher to throw who was also a lefty. I saw about six pitches and smacked several hard line drives. My buddy took his turn and did not disappoint. The coach was stunned and said we made the team. I was too young to be sarcastic. I was just happy to play ball. I learned something about myself that day. We learn more if we have the courage to deal with adversity. The best things in life are worth fighting for and not giving up on. At 11 years old, baseball was the best thing in my life. That value of tenacity grew within me to take on the challenges of education, career and family life. It also gave me a sustainable perspective about Armenian national goals. Prepare for a marathon, but approach it with the urgency of a sprint. Artsakh, Western Armenia and other injustices—never give up, and keep the goal in perspective. Inform and inspire the next generation. Take a stand when you enter a crossroad that threatens the goal.

All of us have had similar experiences that enabled core values to emerge and mature. Connecting them gives enhanced identity to our lives and improves our ability to impart those important values on those who will become our legacy. How did those important moments at school, the neighborhood or in the community impact you?

Stepan Piligian

Stepan Piligian

Columnist
Stepan was raised in the Armenian community of Indian Orchard, MA at the St. Gregory Parish. A former member of the AYF Central Executive and the Eastern Prelacy Executive Council, he also served many years as a delegate to the Eastern Diocesan Assembly. Currently , he serves as a member of the board and executive committee of the National Association for Armenian Studies and Research (NAASR). He also serves on the board of the Armenian Heritage Foundation. Stepan is a retired executive in the computer storage industry and resides in the Boston area with his wife Susan. He has spent many years as a volunteer teacher of Armenian history and contemporary issues to the young generation and adults at schools, camps and churches. His interests include the Armenian diaspora, Armenia, sports and reading.
Stepan Piligian

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1 Comment

  1. Epigenetics is an emerging field in resolving or bridging the conundrum between nature vs nurture. The dynamics of the environment does impact on your otherwise static genetic profile. Coupled with myriad self-awareness gatherings on individual historical trauma, there is a continued affirmation of the power of the ‘archetype’ where ancient experiences, those not directly witnessed or shared through oral histories, surface to complete a legacy otherwise unknown … it’s an exciting time to gage your present values and subsequent actions based on what brings the faraway past into the near future.

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