Unbelievably, two weeks in a row we’re having winners of this award, given to someone or an organization whose depravity is such as to defy easy description. It is inspired by the Armenian saying, “He’s so shameless, if you spit in his face, he’d think it’s rain.” They seem to be lining up to get recognition for shamelessness. This time, the pair of winners are operating in the world of international relations, one unintentionally, the other intentionally.
The first winner is Naomi Campbell, a supermodel whose name I may have heard before. Evidently, she’s quite the piece of work; Google her name and you’ll see. But that kind of pretense, attitude, and bad behavior may be necessary to her image and continued success. That’s not what earns her a SpitRain. What does is her involvement with “blood diamonds.” These are stones mined illegally to support wars/conflicts clandestinely. There has been a long, ongoing effort to stop their flow from mines to necks. Campbell’s involvement seems to be unintentional. That’s what makes her shamelessness all the more callous and obscene. Some 13 years ago at a party, she met Liberia’s then-president and now crimes-against-humanity-defendant Charles Taylor. Later that night, she reports being awakened by a knock on her door and given “dirty looking stones” (the unrefined blood diamonds). To keep this short, suffice it to say that the prosecution wanted her to testify about this because they think they can tie Taylor to the stones, helping prove his guilt. You’d think anyone would be pleased to help put a murderous tyrant away, but not Campbell. The LA Times quotes her thus:
“I was made to be here. So obviously, I’m just, like, wanting to get this over with and get on with my life,” Campbell told the court. “This is a big inconvenience for me.”
See how she earned SpitRain V? Here the death and suffering of thousands is at issue, and she’s whining about the “inconvenience” of having to testify.
You know what’s worse than some brainless beauty being foolish in international affairs? An allegedly seasoned diplomat who defends autocrats and sells out his own country. Of course we’re discussing none other than our favorite U.S. ambassador to Azerbaijan-designate, Matthew Bryza.
Good old Matt sees no conflict of interest, or even the appearance of a conflict (the threshold set by federal regulations), nor, presumably professional/diplomatic incompetence in his:
1- Having a Turkish wife (Zeyno Baran) who, through her employment, is herself involved in policy and trade issues involving Azerbaijan (I mean, c’mon, they’ve got to live with each other after all!);
2- Having part of their wedding paid for by an Azerbaijani government official;
3- Failing to address the destruction of Armenian khatchkars (cross stones) in Nakhichevan during his watch as a U.S. deputy assistant secretary;
4- Failing to disburse money appropriated by Congress for Artsakh;
5- Failing to take steps to prevent the Russia-Georgia war of 2008, and now, similarly failing to caution Azerbaijan about its bellicose swagger against Armenia;
6- Making false claims about who caused the exclusion of Artsakh from peace negotiations;
7- Referring to the still-living patriarch of Armenians in Istanbul as deceased;
8- Renting out his Washington, D.C. home before his confirmation as ambassador (talk about presumptuousness!)
Congratulations to Matt on winning SpitRain V. He can brag about it to the despots he so loves. And, that being the case, and if indeed he is qualified to be an ambassador, perhaps he could be appointed to represent the U.S. in Myanmar, Zimbabwe, or North Korea, where he can feel right at home without having any conflicts of interest and resorting to lingual gymnastics to argue that none exist.
On a more serious and practical note, given that Senator Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) has requested (and received) what is only a POSTPONEMENT in Bryza’s confirmation hearings, we should continue contacting her, thanking her for the work she’s done so far, and strongly urging her to oppose the nomination.
Garen Yegparian
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