“Let’s get together sometime.”
I find these to be the five most difficult words in the English language when strung together. The reason? They’re often lost in the shuffle.
The hardest promise to keep is the one you make in passing to “get together more frequently.” By the time that usually occurs, you’ve aged so considerably that people won’t recognize you. Or you’ve grown debilitated.
Either way, they’ll either be attending your funeral or you’ll be attending theirs. Then comes the recourse, “We promised to come together but never did.”
I’ve got no fewer than five pending invitations to socialize with long-lost friends and relatives. Some live within proximity. Others are a distance away and may require a bit of a drive. In each case, whether they said it or I took the initiative, we vowed to “get together sometime soon.”
It only goes to show that the person who lets himself go should remember to come back. Or at least, back up his words.
The problem is, nobody initiates a callback. They don’t telephone and neither do you. Years drift by until the next funeral or wedding and you see these folks again. “We’ll get together real soon,” they say. And the same hiatus persists.
We vow to meet for lunch, a day trip, cocktails by the ocean, or merely a social call over coffee. The pending date turns into a timeless vacuum.
Friends are usually lost by either calling too often or too seldom.
I’ve been meaning to come together with this former co-worker for years now. We’ll chat on the phone once a year and usually close with the same intention—a call to set up a date.
We would do it right then and there but the guy’s social calendar is bursting at the seams. I leave it to his discretion and never get a return call. Maybe he’s avoiding me. The last time we came together, he paid us a visit and it was 2 a.m. when they departed. By then, I had dozed off in my chair.
My sister-in-law is another exercise in futility. I feel like we’re neglecting one another and lately circumstances have kept us apart. She has her own life with the children and grandchildren that there’s little room for deviation.
“Take a ride up to the lake some time,” I’ll suggest. “Spend the day with us.”
“Easier said than done,” she’ll reply. “Buddy has baseball and Mandy has dance. I sit the kids a lot.”
Used to be a time when family reunions were a prominent fixture with me. We didn’t need individualized gatherings. Every birthday, holiday, and other special occasion became automatic company. I don’t see that happening much anymore.
People seem to travel in separate directions. Christmas used to be an all-out family celebration with both sides. Since our immediate families have grown, we tend to ourselves. Then comes the proverbial phone call.
“Missed you on Christmas. How about getting together on our own?”
“Name the date.”
A pause, then a glance at a calendar, and then a stutter. “Can I get back to you on that?”
In this past week, I decided to take the initiative with a phone call. I corralled one couple into taking a day trip to Portland. The husband called back and said, “Name the day. Scratch out Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. We’re baby-sitting.”
That left a couple options and one worked. The date was etched in stone.
The other was a couple who always invites us to their home with the best of food and hospitality. We owed them a similar invitation.
“Have your wife call mine and we’ll pick a time,” I suggested.
A week went by, then another and another, until I got on the phone and a date was picked right then and there.
On the other hand, we’ve had people drop by unannounced. They were “just driving by” and decided to stop. Of course, summering by a lake offers some enticement. In many ways, I prefer the impromptu visit because it doesn’t give you any time to think about it. Usually, we’ll send out for food and enjoy one another’s company.
One guy I hadn’t seen in five years. All of a sudden, he was at my door. He had every reason to invite himself.
“Every year, we talk about coming together,” he says. “I decided to take up your offer and here we are. Hope you don’t mind.”
Uninvited guests never guess they’re unwelcome.
Tom Vartabedian
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Dear Mr.Vartabedian,you just put a big smile on my face.
I read your article and wished we never had the telephones,cell phones,e-mails.
At least,when we did not have all of the above,we had friends and relatives knocking at the door instead of dead promises…
Thank you for being honest.
Yes, how about the days of Uncle Tom’s cabin? This sentiment made me laugh a reserved sort of hrummmph as family and time and priorities have seemingly gotten in the way of everyone keeping in touch. At least in a face-to-face environment. There is nothing like getting together with old friends for a hearty laugh and a good cup of coffee. Hope you and the family are well.